So I'm pretty stressed out... Sometimes after I come home from Camp- and life gets crazy busy and every night is full of: get home from work, make dinner, (or just eat dinner that Justin has made) hurry off to Cubscouts or Institute, or meetings... I start to realize why Camp is so great. And it makes me miss it. A LOT!
I have such a wonderful life. I am blessed in ways that I couldn't have imagined. But if there is one thing I've learned these past couple of years it is this. Life. Is. Hard... Or can be. I think one of Satans greatest tools is stress... If we fill our lives with so many things (even if they are good things) that we don't have down time to relax, renew, think of the Gospel, feel the promptings of the Spirit, Remember our blessings... it can make us feel like doing crazy things. Like having a night off and watching TV for four hours because "I deserve this relaxing time." Really it is because it is easier to watch other people "live their lives" on TV (or sometimes in books or movies) than to deal with what we are so blessed to try to juggle in our own... I'm slowly realizing that the stress I feel is probably self inflicted- or at least how I'm choosing to deal with it. :)
Camp forces me to not have the Media distractions (Facebook, Television, Movies) and gives me time to look at God's creations with Joy and Wonder and a Grateful Heart! There is not a moment when I am up in His wilderness that I do not recognize how lucky and blessed I am to be there. It seems so easy when less distracted to really SEE God's hand in my life. Why do I avoid that back in the real world? It seems easy to feel picked on and think "Why me?"
I feel like turning it around. Seeing more positively. "Why Me?" Why has he blessed me with my best friend and perfect match to spend eternity with? Why do I have such a loving, supportive, wonderful family-on both sides? Why do I have a beautiful home to call my own at such a young age? Why have I been so blessed to spend two amazingly adventurous summers at the Lake of the Woods. Why?? He must know something that I've forgotten. I must be worth it. I must be able to have all of these blessings because He knows and can see who I am on the inside. Who I have the potential to be. My best self.
When I remember that it makes me want to be better. I want to earn the blessing I already have, and who knows... There was a time in my life when I really felt my life was over. I was heart broken and sad and thought...I'll never as happy as I used to be. Then Justin came into my life. He is more than I could've ever thought to ask for. I wonder if there are things waiting on the sidelines for me. Blessing that I never thought to ask for. Things that I hope I can somehow earn in His eyes. :)
If I can just remember to BREATHE sometimes... I know I'll be okay.
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
3 comments:
Hang in there Lauren! God has blessings in store for you! I'm sure it is a huge change going for life at camp to real life. Things will get better once you get back into the swing of it. It is really hard to compare those 2 things and be back to reality, though! I can understand that for sure!
You'll be better than okay - you'll be great! And for what it's worth, from here you make your life look awesome and fun and full of blessings. Enjoy this time!
2 words, Chocolate Milk. Sometimes it just takes 3 minutes to calm down if you are focused on something wonderful. Chocolate milk is something wonderful.
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